The Year in Jerkass.

There have been a lot of jerkasses in 2005. But, there is only one jerkass of the year. Our winner took part in a lot of jerkassity in 2005 and looks poised to have a banner year in 2006. Let's take a look at his accolades from the year that was:

The year started with some jerkass being sworn in for a second term. He appointed a new jerkass to be his Attorney General. I repeat torture is jerkass. His folks paid another jerkass to write things that were supportive of him. He took his jerkass tour around the country in an effort to destroy Social Security, which is completely jerkass. He told lies. He misled. He tried to claim he hadn't said things that he had. And that was just in January.

In February he started off by getting insulted by Rasheed Wallace of all people. He answered questions from a gay prostitute that continually had access to his White House. He lied some more about Social Security. I studied for the bar.

March was a great month. Social Security "reform" died. Which made me happy, but brought out a whole new level of jerkassity from our winner. He flip-flopped. He tried to use a nine year old to sell Social Security "reform." He and his cohorts tried to use a brain dead woman as a political football. That is pretty jerkass.

April showered in loads of jerkass. Our winner proved that he doesn't understand how our monetary system works, and then later in the month confirms it again. I'm sure our winner did more in April, but apparently I was busy with drinking from the start of baseball, passing the bar, and the Grizz in the Playoffs. I almost can feel the hangover from reading those post. Wow.

May brought no jerkass behavior of note from our winner. Even the jerkass of the year has a bad month every now and then.

June was quiet again, but our winner had his supporters/ henchmen out there doing the jerkassing for him. Oh, and there was a white girl or two who went missing.

In July we find out that our winner and his buddies can't take a joke, and that they may have committed treason. Even more jerkass, they defended their treason as being "guts"y. Treason is jerkass. Having someone commit it for you while you hide from the press and refuse to answer questions is what makes someone Jerkass of the Year!!!

Our winner spent August hiding out at his ranch and refusing to meet with a grieving mother. If that wasn't enough he refused to leave his vacation while an American city drowned.

In September, our winner finally left his vacation and went on a PR campaign against a hurricane. He and his cronies didn't want to play the blame game. Well, until they did, and did some more.

October, of course, was spent drinking and watching the Cardinals in the playoffs. Our winner and his pals were getting pretty nervous about their treason being found out, though. They came up with a genius defense. "The Criminalization of Politics."All I can remember is the Cardinals lost to the Astros. BOOOOOO!!!

November rolls around and we find out that our winner has allowed the CIA to keep secret prisons around the world to torture people in. That's pretty jerkass. Then our winner sends out a human vagina to defend it.

And this month our winner has finished strong by not only admitting that he has spied on Americans for three years, but he plans on continuing to do it until... well whenever he wants to. He doesn't care about the Constitution. He doesn't care that he gets his legal opinions from a guy who says it's ok to torture people and a woman who apparently got her law degree from a cracker jack box. He's sticking to his jerkass behavior no matter what you crazy liberals think.

So, without further ado the winner of the first annual Jerkass of the Year is... President George W. Bush!!!!!

Me: Congrats, W.

W: Hu, snicker, Thanks, Stretch.

Me: How have you grown into being such an overwhelming jerkass?

W: Well, I've had a lot of help. Hu. Snicker.

Me: You sure have!! That's why we chose you. It's not just your behavior but the behavior of the people who work for you.

W: Well, you see, I find it, well, hu, easier sometimes to, uh, be strategeric in my jerkassity.

Me: I see.

W: I like to keep 'em guessin' where it'l come from. Snicker.

Me: Well, you sure do a good job of that.

W: Thanks, Stretch. Now if you excuse me I've gotta take a nap.

Me: Sure, I'm sure it takes a lot of rest to be that big a Jerkass.

W: Thanks, again and remember 9/11.

Me: Thank you, Mr. President.

Have a great weekend and a happy New Year everyone. Hopefully we'll win the fake war on New Year's. I'll report back on Tuesday.

I'll take the rapist for $1000, Alex... That's Therapist.

So, who could be the Jerkass of the Week for this last week of 2005? Who could it be? Well, it's been a slow news week. I mean we've had the Ws say they are going to investigate who leaked the NSA surveillance story to the New York Times, but that is not that jerkass. No, what's really jerkass is intentionally elbowing someone in the jaw during a basketball game. That is jerkass.

That's what Kobe Bryant did to Mike Miller the other night. You see, Kobe was upset because he had caught an accidental elbow from Miller when Miller drove to the hole earlier in the game. Kobe had to get three whole stitches to close the wound. Kobe doesn't take getting his pretty little face touched lightly, so later in the game he intentionally elbows Miller in the jaw while Miller is cutting through the lane. The best part... HE DOESN'T GET KICKED OUT OF THE GAME!!! Why? He's Kobe, that's why. If Ron Artest does this he gets suspended for half the season. Kobe, well he shoots 37 times a game, so it's cool.

I don't know if I'm more upset at him being a complete jerkass or at the fact that no one on the Grizz beat the shit out of him. Where was Big Jake? Why do we have Big Jake if it's not for situations where some jerkass tries to hurt one of your best players who also happens to have a history of concussions?

Well, Kobe did have a great explanation though: "Any player that was going to come down the lane at that point in time, I was going to let him know that he just can't walk through there," Bryant said. "I think we as a team have to do a better job of establishing that. And me, as a leader of the ballclub, I've got to take the initiative to do that -- and hopefully, everybody will see that.
"This being our home court, people come here and think it's Hollywood and all sorts of stuff, so they think they'll come down (the lane) and look pretty and shoot jump shots and dunk the ball and finger-roll the ball and do all sorts of cute stuff. And we've got to stop that."

So, the NBA is on notice. Kobe is going to elbow "any player that was going to come down the lane" right on the jaw, and he thinks "we as a team have to do a better job of establishing that." Establishing what? That you're a psychopath?

No, Kobe, you established that you are a Jerkass. As if we couldn't tell by the pantyhose and the raping.

Nice work, Jerkass.

Year in Preview

We here at Evilblog like to look forward. So, we're going to give you some things to look forward to in 2006...

1) Drunken debauchery is a good way to start a year!!! Fight the good fight against the anti-New Year's forces.

2) Da Bears and Super Bowl could be mentioned in the same sentence.

3) The Grizzlies and Playoff WIN in the same sentence.

4) The Tigers and Final Four appearing in the same sentence.

5) The Cardinals continuing to dominate in the regular season.

6) The Mets continuing to pay big bucks for guys who decide they can't take the pressure of playing in New York.

7) World Cup soccer.

8) The return of Vol football. No, I mean real Vol football not that crap from last year.

9) Evil writing a lot about how great a Senator Harold Ford, Jr. would be.

10) Evil realizing that there is not a shot in hell that Harold Ford, Jr. will be elected Senator from Tennessee.

11) A possible new album from "the world's most rock n' roll rock n' roll band," the mother f'n Black Crowes.

12) The first ever performance of Machette or Masheddy, whatever our name is.

13) Crucial reunion show? Electric?

14) More people commenting in the comment section.

15) Evilblog 2.0?

16) Texas state prisoner Tom DeLay.

17) Federal indictment of Karl Rove.

18) Rick Santorum losing his Senate race.

19) The retirement of Donald Rumsfeld.

20) The retirement of Bill Frist.

Wow, that's a lot to look forward to. What do you got?

Later today you can look forward to my obvious pick for Jerkass of the Week as well as the presentation of the Jerkass of the Year Award (nominations welcome).

Where does it end?

I listened to some conservative jerkass filling in for Rush today claiming that the Dems just don't want to fight terror. That is why they are filibustering the Patriot Act (although I'm pretty sure a deal was reached last week on that). That is why they are upset about the surveillance of Americans without warrants. It's all just partisan politics.

My first question was who believes this crap? Then I thought about that and I realized who believes it, so then I wondered how long they'll believe it. How long can a certain segment of our population believe that George W. Bush should be King of this country? How long can those people get away with saying I am unpatriotic for not agreeing with them?

How long can 9/11 be a reason for everything? At what point to people say enough? I don't know, but I doubt it is soon. There were plenty of people calling in agreeing and saying if we get attacked again it will be the Democrats; fault. Really? Why? Name one thing that King W has asked for that hasn't passed. Social Security. That and the drilling in Alaska are the only two things I can think of and I don't think those are making us less safe from terrorist attacks although I'm sure I'm wrong.

All Democrats have done is go on record as opposing these actions. They still passed. The President freely admits that he still spies on the American people. The Patriot Act is still the law of the land, at least for another six months. We are still in Iraq. We are still doing a halfass job in Afghanistan. We are still underfunding Nunn-Lugar. We're still doing whatever it is the W wants to do, it's just not as easy anymore. It's just not as popular anymore.

The reason it's not popular is not because more American secretly hate America, it's because we are doing a lot of things that are unAmerican. Americans don't torture people. Americans don't hold people without charging them of anything. Americans don't spy on Americans without warrants. The Government of the United States of America is doing those things and it doesn't sit to well with most Americans. It must be something about reading about this thing called the Constitution, or something.

So, if, God forbid, we do get attacked again don't look anywhere but to the W. He's been in charge and gotten everything he's asked for in spite of opposition from both parties. This is his war on terror and it's been run how he's wanted it to be run. The buck stops with him.

Vomit.

The Grizz loss last night makes me sick. How the hell does that happen? How do you blow a 18 point lead to UTAH? Oh, that's right, you give up a 20-0 run. 20-0?!? What the hell?

Anyway, the Tigers are playing ClapJackass's Gonzaga Zags tonight at the Forum. I predict the Tigers win by double digits. Rodney Carney will be all up in the 'stache. You heard it here first.

Jerkass of the Week

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and Santa wants to know who's been naughty and who has been a complete jerkass. It being two days from Christmas it is finally time to give this award to the folks that have been working so hard for it this season. I'm giving the award to these two guys because really they are a team. A team of "journalist" that fought the "War on Christmas" until the battle was won. For their efforts I congratulate John Gibson and Bill O'Reilly on being awarded a very special HOLIDAY JERKASSES OF THE WEEK!!!!

This award has been a long time coming. John Gibson actually wrote a book on the "War on Christmas." It's full of examples of school administrators and county government officials not being understand Supreme Court rulings and therefore conspiring to stop Christmas. His constant promotion of this book on his show on Fox has lead many to believe that there is an actual conspiracy trying to stop people from celebrating Christmas as opposed to an ugly man trying to make some money off of a made up controversy. Way to go, John.

Mr. O'Reilly does not have a book about this issue, he's just a jerkass. He played this controversy up last year and just wants to feel like he is helping "the folks." So, I'm assuming this will be a yearly event with this guy. Way to go, Bill, you've managed to create a controversy around holiday that has been celebrated for around 2000 YEARS!!! Wow. Where would be without you?

I actually did manage to get John Gibson and Bill on the phone. Here we go:

Me: Wow, you guys have to be so proud of what you accomplished.

Bill: Well, we saved Christmas. Everyone owes both of us a lot of gratitude.

John: We certainly did.

Me: Actually, I meant taking jerkassity to such a high level.

Bill: SHUT UP, PINHEAD!!!!!

John: Are you calling me a liar?

Me: Well, I don't want to get into that. I actually want to know why you guys are so against New Year's Eve.

John: Huh?

Bill: You pinhead, what are you talking about?

Me: Well there is a conservative war on the drunken debauchery of New Year's Eve and you guys play a big role in it.

John: I support New Year's.

Me: ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR?? It is a fact that drinking is not allowed in some counties. Those counties are overwhelmingly conservative. You hate New Year's.

Bill: Well, I don't...

Me: SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!! CUT OFF HIS MIC!!! I will not have you people filling my blog with this crap. You are clearly are against New Year's, that's just the facts. Well, since you were nice enough to join us, Bill, I'll give you the last word.

Bill: I'm not ag....

Me: Thanks, have a happy holiday.

Merry Christmas to all. I look forward to getting crunk, Christmas style, with Evil Brother and Evil Sister; as well as Mr. and Mrs. Joe Kickass. Everyone have a Merry Christmas and we'll be back fighting the good fight next week.

You won this round, Bill.

Last night I witnessed one of the strangest things I've ever seen on TV. I saw Bill O'Reilly, Jerry Faldwell, and the dude who organized the boycott of Wal Mart patting each other on the back for saving Christmas. Way to go guys! Like I've said, I wasn't sure which way this one was going to go for a while, but I think you wrapped it up. Christmas will continue for at least one more year.

Now, it's time for us to fight back. Fight back? You ask. How do you fight back in a fake war? Well, I'll tell you how... You make up a fake war of your own. So here goes nothing.

Right-wing, Christian-Conservative forces are trying to stop New Year's Eve!!! That's right!!! They've even passed laws in some counties making it illegal to drink!!!! Some places in this country will be sober and not dancing on New Year's because of these groups. Save New Year's!!!!

So, your asking yourself how can I, a measly little Evilblog reader, save New Year's? Here's the plan: 1) Make your plans early and don't be distracted by all the talk of "Police Road Blocks" or "Sobriety Check Points." You've cannot allow the opposing forces to stop you from celebrating. THIS IS AMERICA!!! 2) Get lots of booze. 3) Get drunk. 4) Make out with someone. I don't care who, just do it!

Do it so future generations know that when some were trying to stop the party by not allowing the drunken debauchery we call New Year's Eve, we fought back!!!

This is our holiday and we cannot allow the opposing forces to win. It won't be easy. They are well funded and have connections in the conservative media, but I believe if we follow these four steps we can win this War on New Year's Eve and we will be remembered by future generations for doing so. So, make your plans folks. Get your booze. Get a date. Do what you gotta do to save New Year's. If you don't, who will?

Who's with me?

I'm back.

Sorry, for not posting so far this week. My computer blew up. I have no idea what happened, it just died. Anyway, I now have one and I'm super pissed at the W, or should I say King George?

When I last left you I had named W jerkass of the week for spying on Americans. That is bad. But what is worse is that he is now trying to defend his actions and say that they are perfectly legal. Really? Well, somebody should call the founding fathers on that one because the Fourth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution says:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and
effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and
no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or
affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the
persons or things to be seized.

I didn't read anything about except when the W feels like it in there. I didn't read except after 9/11. There is no exception to the rule. The law is you want to search someone you get a warrant. End of story.

Well, apparently not for the fighting Ws. You see they say "9/11 changed everything." "Everything" includes the U.S. Constitution. They claim the founders could not have conceived of the post 9/11 world we now live in. Really? They couldn't imagine people attacking the commerce of a nation through guerilla tactics? They couldn't imagine irregular military using guerilla tactics? Surely you jest.

Hey, Jerkass, that ain't cool.

So, I was going to give Bill O'Reilly Jerkass of the Week this week. He has been putting out a lot of jerkassity this Christmas, oops I mean, Holiday Season. Then I read that our President thinks it is cool to spy on Americans. Now, I know some of Republican brothers and sisters won't have a problem with this because it's not as bad as getting a blow job, but I think spying on your own people is pretty damn jerkass. So jerkass that W is the jerkass of the week.

I would have asked the W about this issue, but it seems he won't comment. Besides I just found the coolest damn thing on the internets. No not naked boobies. No its called Pandora. Go there. It is awesome. If you knew about it and didn't tell me I'm super pissed at you right now and you are a complete jerkass.

Have a great weekend and Go Grizz!!!

Merry Christmas, again.

You know, I shouldn't get excited when people fight back against these idiots. I mean how hard is it? I do love it though.

Here is Congressman John Dingell (D-Michigan) on the house floor yesterday.

Send in the reinforcements.

With only eleven days left until Christmas it is still up in the air whether the secular-humanist-fascist-commie-leftist-satanist-democratic-politically correct-jerkass anti-Christmas forces will win or the saintly-pure-perfect-Christian pro-Christmas forces can save Christmas again. I'm not sure what will happen, but I'm buying Evil Lady a present just in case.

Here is a great list of videos that Media Matters has put together tracking the progress in the great war of our time. It shows the propaganda (read lies) that the pro-Christmas forces our using to save our threatened holiday. I never thought that a straw man could be so hard to beat, but the pro-Christmas forces are really pulling out all the stops.

I would like to give special thanks to Bill Donahue of the Catholic League for showing the ugly side of Catholicism. Thanks to you, Bill, I don't have to explain to my mother why I don't go to Church. I just show her clips of you and she understands.

Merry Christmas!!!

All I want for Christmas is for right wing nut jobs to be put in their place. Thanks, Sam Seder.

Who has waived the white flag longer?

The good ol' boys of the GOP have come up with a new ad calling out "White Flag Democrats."

I just have one question. Where would we have gotten the idea that we won't win the war on terror?

Oh, that's right, W said it. Asked "Can we win?" Mr. Bush said, "I don't think you can win it. But I think you can create conditions so that the — those who use terror as a tool are less acceptable in parts of the world."

Why do we have a "White Flag President" who supports terror?

Jerkass of the Week.

Jerkass of the Week is a very dubious honor. I do not give it out lightly. There are so many jerkasses in the world and I only take one post a week to point out someone who has been a Grade A jerkass during the week. You can't just do things that are generally jerkass and win this award. No, you must go above and beyond. That's why this week I'm giving the honor to Cardinal's owner Bill DeWitt.

The Cardinals drew 3.5 million fans this past year and are moving into a new stadium that will increase their revenue. They also moved to a new radio station to make more money. Oh, and every MLB team is making millions off of MLB.com. All that and Bill couldn't find it in the budget to get A.J. Burnett. That is understandable. The guy signed for $55 million over five years. They also couldn't find the cash to pay Mark Grudzielanek to a two year deal for $6 million.

Now is not the time to be tight with the money. The Cardinals have been very close to winning it all the past couple of years and only need a couple of players to put them over the top. Walt Jockety needs to be given the ability to do that. Not doing so, and the fact that the Cardinals don't come on TV in Memphis, makes Bill DeWitt Jerkass of the Week.

I'm off to the Grizz game, so have a good weekend. Go Grizz! Go Get Drunk!!

What we should do in Iraq.

I am obviously not a military expert, but I would like to throw out an idea of what to do in Iraq since I haven't seen many people mention it. Here's my plan:

1) Get all of the contractors out of Iraq.

2) Spend half the money we are spending on U.S. contractors in Iraq and give those jobs to Iraqi companies. This will help with the severe unemployment problem they have and I would imagine it would remove a lot of resentment that is felt towards the U. S. There are clearly people there that know how to do the work that needs to be done. Iraq had more electricity and pumped more oil BEFORE we went in and took everything over. It's their country. Let them do it for themselves.

3) Decrease our military presence to a force that is big enough to train the Iraqi forces and help them fight major battles against the insurgency. Keep extra forces in the region in case things get bad, but turn the show over to them.

That's it.

Just to clear things up.

I just want to make it clear that I support Howard Dean in his efforts to change the Democratic Party. I'm not even disagreeing with him on what he said. I just don't think he should have said it. I understand that is not how Dean works. He says what he thinks is right and more often than not he's right. I like him, and I'm happy that he is the head of the party.

I'm saying this not to apologize for what I said yesterday, because again I don't think he should have said it, but to point out a problem in the party. I am getting sick and tired of the Democrats who rip on other Democrats. If Joe Lieberman wants to be a Republican than be one and try to get elected as one, but if you want to be on the team you've gotta run the plays.

This is not saying you've got to be blindly following our party leaders (if we have any). It just means don't help the Republicans out. Don't bad mouth fellow Democrats for questioning the President's actions, that's what we're supposed to do. We're the opposition. If you don't want to oppose the other party then maybe you should join them. If you don't like Jack Murtha's ideas, then come up with something different, there's room for that. Hell, I've got other ideas. (more on that this afternoon.) What there is not room for is saying that people who question the President are helping the enemy. What the hell are we going to do support everything he says? I would also point out that Joe had no problem opposing Clinton.

Lieberman is not the only one, he's just the best example. There are plenty of other examples out there. The point is that it needs to stop. We're moving into an election year where we can make some real strides towards regaining a majority in both houses. In order to put our best effort out there we need to play as a team. If you don't want that to happen, that's fine. Let us know and you can have an opponent in your primary. Democrats around the country are ready to fight back against the lies and corruption of the Republican Party, if you're not, move out of the way.

In other words, you're either with us or you're against us.

Things not to say when your the head of a national political party.

I have not laid into Howard Dean in a long time. You gotta take the good with the bad with the guy, but this is really unacceptable. Here's the thing, I think Howard Dean lacks that little part of your brain that tells you when to not say things that pop in your head. Like if you're at a funeral and the woman in the casket looks fat, you'd probably not say it out loud. I think Howard Dean would.

I'm not even saying he's wrong. I don't know if we can "win" the war in Iraq because I don't even know what "winning" means. That's not the point. The point is that as the head of a national political party you should never say that America can't win. Americans don't want to hear that. They just don't. You declare victory and leave, you don't say we lost and leave.

Anyway, I think we should compile a list of things that the head of the party shouldn't say. Here's some to get us started:

1) America sucks.
2) Go kill (someone).
3) Communism isn't such a bad idea.
4) Jesus sucks.
5) I support terror.


Any ideas?

Bill O'Reilly must hate America.

That is the only explanation. Bill attacks the "War on Christmas" nightly. Last night the war was in Memphis, which I don't want to get into, let's just say that librarians shouldn't be making legal judgments, but we have a new ally in the "War on Christmas." None other than Mr. "If you're not with us you're against us" himself. That's right, the President sent out Holiday Cards!!!!

Well, if you don't support the President in everything he does, you hate America. I mean think about the message it sends to the troops. People are out there attacking the Commander in Chief for sending out Holiday Cards!!! Morale will be hurt by this.

Let's go through this so everyone understands. Bill O'Reilly hates the phrases "Happy Holidays," "Seasons Greetings," etc. The Commander in Chief sends out "Holiday Cards." Bill O'Reilly doesn't blindly support everything the President does. That means he hates America.

Isn't that how it works?

Who I will not support in '08

It's official. I will not support Hillary Clinton in the '08 Democratic Primary. Why? This is why. Clinton is sponsoring a ban on flag desecration. She does play the middle ground here and says that she is not for a Constitutional Amendment, but that is a technicality. You either believe that Americans are free to express themselves or you don't. If you say I don't think their should be a Constitutional Amendment but there should be a federal law what the hell is the difference?

I want to be clear here. I have never desecrated a flag in any way, shape, or form. I have never even seen anyone desecrate a flag in person. Usually when I do see it done it is on TV and being done in some foreign country that is not very fond of us and who our laws have no jurisdiction over. So what's the point? The point is to play to Amuricans stupid need to feel patriotic. This is an exercise that is almost as stupid as Bill O'Reilly saving Christmas every year (more on that later). Christmas doesn't need saving and the flag will be fine without Hillary saving it.

Burnett to Blue Jays.

A.J. Burnett has signed with the Blue Jays. Well, I guess it was stupid of me to think the Cardinals would ever win a bidding war, or should want to. I understand the owner not wanting to give a fifth year to a guy with a history of arm trouble. That's fine. We'll move on.

Hopefully.

All over the internet Cardinal fans are acting like this is the end of the world. Why? We didn't overpay for a guy that has a career record of 49-50? There is a lot of time left and last time I checked we still have a GM named Jockety, a manager named LaRussa, a pitching coach named Duncan, a Cy Young Award winner named Carpenter, and a little guy I like to call Pujols.

Hot Stove Action

It's that time of year again. The time of year when giving $10 million a year to a pitcher with a career record of 49-50 seems like a pretty good idea. The time of year when your owner claims he going to hold the payroll to $92 million. The time of year where you sit back and watch the great Walt Jockety do his magic. That's right folks, it's the winter meetings.

I know Joe Kickass is super pumped about the Mets offseason so far, and I think he'll be more pumped when they make some more moves, but let's be honest here, the Mets suck. They always pay big money for folks and they always suck. I do think this year will be different however, considering they apparently have made the Marlins their triple A affiliate. That helps.

But this is the Evilblog and we talk about the Cardinals on the Evilblog. The Cardinals are putting all of their eggs in the basket that is A.J. Burnett. He of the 49-50 career record. He of the constant are troubles. He of the triple digit heat and wicked curveball.

I usually take a very cool approach to signings like this. I mean $10 million for this guy? But there are two reasons I'm for it. One is that if you pair this guy with Carpenter and Mulder in the playoffs we can flat out shut people down. Second, if Matt Morris is getting offers of $8 million or more why not go ahead and spend the extra couple of million and get a guy who can shut people down in the playoffs?

The Cardinals need something to put them over the top. We made it to the World Series two years ago and made it to the NLCS last year, but we need a little bit more to win it all. A.J. may be that. A.J. also has Dave Duncan project written all over him. Dave gets the most out of guys and God help the Cardinals if he ever retires. How many other teams sign a Cy Young award winner of the scrap heap? He is also the guy behind Dave Stewart, Bob Welch, Dennis Eckersley, and all of the great A's pitchers early 90's. He has never had a talent like this to work with, but I trust Dave to turn that talent into Ws; and if he does, look out the Cardinals may be pretty damn good.

Jerkass of the Week.

You know, it was real tempting to make Bill O'Reilly Jerkass of the Week this week. His fake war on Christmas really gets on my nerves, but then I figured with three weeks to go until Christmas there is still plenty of time for that. So, I've got someone who really deserves it this week. This woman is clearly a complete jerkass. Her name is Katherine DeBrecht. She is behind the new children's book Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed! What a genius!!! She's figured out a whole new market in conservative bullshit books!!! Look out Ann Coulter, this woman has topped you.

What makes this woman completely jerkass though is not that she wrote a book that demonizes liberals to children, that would be pretty jerkass but not jerkass of the week. No, what makes her so bad is that in her interview with Tucker Carlson the other night she said it wasn't an attack on Democrats, just liberals.

Really? Look at the cover of the book!!! It's got a character that she openly admits is based on Ted Kennedy and another one based on Hillary Clinton. Fair enough, those two Senators are liberal, at least compared to Rick Santorum. She doesn't stop there though, she's got a donkey. Wow, I'm sure no one will figure out that the donkey represents Democrats. No, I mean it's not like it is the symbol of the Democratic Party or anything. So, Katherine, way to go you are this weeks Jerkass of the Week.

I tried to interview Katherine, but she's busy working on her follow up book. I shit you not, that's really it, coming Spring of '06.

Have a great weekend everyone and Go Grizz!!!!

Victory is not a strategy.

If Phil Fulmer came out to a press conference and said the way we're going to beat Florida is we're going to score more points than them people would laugh and think it was cute. It's cute because clearly that is the goal, but it's not a plan. How are you going to score more points? How are you going to stop them from scoring points? If his reply was "we will do it!" people would chuckle and ask again. How?

The President of the United States apparently is not held to the same standard. He comes out and says his plan is to stay there until we win. Wow!! Really? What does that mean? I wish I knew, but the President doesn't have to answer any questions. In fact, the President doesn't even go before civilians anymore for fear that they may not like what he has to say. I think that says it all.

Happy Holidays.

It's that time of year again. No, I'm not talking about the Christmas season, I'm talking about the time of year when Bill O'Reilly claims liberals are trying to destroy Christmas as we know it!!!

It seems like such a short time ago that Bill and his pals saved Christmas from destruction, but the fight rages on. We came close last year folks, but Bill managed to save Christmas. Maybe if I can get some of that Soros money he keeps talking about we'll be able to succeed. How do I get on that list?