For my friend.

I know I am supposed to be writing about the Grizz loss tonight, but something a little more important happened today, so sorry. Loyal evilblog reader, and more importantly Evil supporter, Stephanie died this morning. I am trying to find the words to express how much I loved her, but I can't. She is one of the best drinking buddies I ever had. She is one of the best friends I ever had. I miss her already.

Stephanie was literally one of the very few people I could count on the past few years when I've been going through quite a bit of shit. She's been there any time I needed her in spite of her flighty ways. And today I got a text from her mom that said, "Stephanie mixed the wrong drugs and died this morning..."

...

That's it. That's how I found out about one of my best friends in the world passing. I was driving down Germantown Parkway. I was going to get a McDonald's coke before a closing. I was in the drive thru line. She's dead. That's it.

Stephanie has been one of the few people I could count on the past few years. Has she been through some shit? Has she been a little fucked up from time to time? Sure. So have I. That's why we were great drinking buddies. She'd bitch about her shit. I'd bitch about mine. We'd take a shot or four. Whatever it was, we were there for each other. We were.

Last spring we did a little trip to New Orleans and Destin together. It was awful. We fought like we were an old married couple. Every night she wanted to go hang out with these jerkass lawyers who were at the CLE we were at and I wanted to watch basketball and drink on the beach in the dark. We took shots and got over it. Some nights she won, some nights I did. God, I wish I could fight with her like that tonight.

We had fell apart the last few months, as we often did. She met some dude. I met a lady. Yada yada. We would go to lunch or happy hour and catch up. I missed her. She missed me. We were happy. Or at least that's what we said. I wasn't, and I don't think she was either. We still talked. She got engaged. I hoped she'd finally be happy.

Last week she called me and she seemed different. I can't really explain it. She was upset about any number of things. Her law practice. Her relationship with her mom. It didn't seem like anything that we hadn't conquered with a few beers before. I told her I was available whenever she wanted. She said she'd call. She never did... She said she'd call. She never did.

That's the last time I heard from her. She's gone now. I don't know yet how she died, but I know why and I can't help but think I could have done something. I guess sometimes some people are so sad you can't make them happy. That's probably true. I just have seen her happy too many times to believe that right now. I just wish I could see her happy one more time. I wish we could do one more shot, have one more beer, one more whatever and I could tell her it's gonna be alright... but right now, I'm having a hard time believing it's gonna be cause I miss my drinking buddy and my friend. Goodnight, Steph. It'll be alright. I promise.

I wish I could tell her that because I think that maybe the world would still be able to get everything she had to offer. Was she the best person I ever met? No, but am I? Hell no. What she was was one of the few people I've ever met that gets, sorry got, me and accepted me for what I am.

She'd call me up and say she needed some girl time. I'd laugh and say let's get some shots and I'd spill my guts. Sometimes she'd take pity and make out with me. Sometimes she wouldn't. Sometimes she'd tell me to man up. Sometimes she'd even tell me I was right. She always understood.

I don't know what else to say about her. She was there for me in the most tumultuous years of my life. I started a band when I was thirty? She was there and brought people. I wrote a blog? She read it and tried to get other people to do so. I got a radio show? She listened and made other people. To be honest, there is no one in my life over the past few years that supported me more than Stephanie did and I'm sorry I never thanked her. I hope she knew that I supported her in the same way.


I hope she knew how much I and so many people loved her and believed in her, but I'm sure she didn't and that's what hurts. It hurts because if she knew she'd still be here; and I wouldn't miss her as much as I already do.